Helping or Hurting?
May 28, 2009 Evangelism, Honoring God, teens set apart
Janice met a new girl at church. She and Grace had a lot in common. Janice liked Grace and wanted to build a friendship with her. They began chatting online, texting, calling, and eventually hanging out together at each other’s homes. As time went on, Janice began to notice that something was not quite right. Eventually she learned that her new friend had a problem. Grace was horribly disrespectful to her parents and showed a blatant disregard for authority. As she began to realize this, Janice felt her heart being tugged. She wanted to help Grace. She started trying to figure out what she could say or do, or what kind of help she could offer Grace.
Soon Janice’s parents sat her down for a talk. They told her they were concerned that she was spending too much time with Grace, and Grace’s attitudes were beginning to rub off onto Janice. Janice couldn’t believe it. She was shocked! She had only been trying to help Grace – could it be true that in the midst of trying to help her change, Janice was the one changed? As Janice began to go over the past few days and weeks, she realized it was true. In an effort to help her new friend, she had slowly slipped into the same sin.
Now she had a dilemma. Janice still loved Grace like a sister, and wanted to be her friend – and wanted to help her! But how could she do that while staying true to her own values and convictions? As she prayed about it, she realized she couldn’t have the best of both worlds, and a compromise was needed.
Going to Grace, she told her what had happened. Janice told Grace that rebelling against authority, all authority, was not only disrespectful to the authority, but also to God. Then Janice apologized for not being a better example to Grace, but instead letting herself become the same way.
“I should’ve been honest with you from the beginning,” she said. “Instead, I tried to secretly change you just by being around you all the time, hoping I’d rub off on you.”
Then Janice told Grace that, for now at least, she thought they needed to spend a little less time together. “I still want to be your friend,” she continued, “and I still want to spend time talking to you, but right now, I need to get my attitude straight.”
At first, Grace was pretty surprised at what Janice said. Then she felt offended. Why hadn’t Janice told her she had a problem with her to begin with? But the words Janice had spoken planted a seed, and she slowly began to realize the truth in what she had been told.
Janice and Grace continued being friends, though spending considerably less time together. As God began to change Grace’s attitude, they became to spend more time together. Their relationship deepened and they became even closer sisters in Christ. They constantly prayed for each other and encouraged each other. And if they noticed an old attitude or practice popping up, they were quick to warn each other and stay accountable.
How about you? How far is too far? When does helping your friend cause harm to yourself? Or even possibly to your friend? Janice didn’t know how to tell, and it hurt her, it hurt her family, and it hurt her friend.
Maybe your friend’s problem is something simple, like slipping cuss words every now and then, or being rude to his parents. Or maybe she has a bigger problem like sleeping around or using drugs or alcohol. Either way, good intentions are not good enough.
-Before you do anything else, pray.
When your friend has a problem, one of the first things you need to do is pray for them. Don’t just pray something general like, “help Thomas be nice today,” but really pray for them. Pray that God will open their eyes and hearts to see what’s really wrong and then do what it takes to fix it. Don’t mail it in – be passionate about wanting them to be right with God.
-Recognize what you can do to help.
Let’s say your friend has a “little” lying problem. How do you help? Pray for an opportunity to talk to her about the issue. When the opportunity arises, do it. Show her how choosing the truth leads to life. Don’t be rude, pushy, or arrogant in the way you talk to her, though. Be patient, kind, and loving. After all, if you didn’t love your friend, you wouldn’t really be all that concerned, would you?
Also, importantly, don’t give your friend the chance to indulge in the sin. When you’re with your friend, don’t let her lie to you. Don’t let her lie to her parents. If she starts to, cut her off and tell the truth. She might be pretty ticked at you at first, but you’re only being obedient to Christ.
If you friend is doing something illegal, you have a responsibility to tell an adult, whether it be a parent, pastor, or even a police officer, what’s going on. Warn your friend first, and give them the opportunity to change and to stop. But if they don’t, then you need to follow through.
-Don’t get dragged down.
This can easily happen when you spend all your time with your friend in need of help. Don’t. If you spend all your time with them, inevitably you’re going to slip up. So limit your interaction. You still have a testimony to keep. What does it say about you if you’re only hanging out with people who are deep in some serious sin problems? Don’t be a stranger or someone who only shows up to criticize. Be a good friend and be there for them, but don’t be an extra limb.
-Don’t get discouraged.
Chances are, your friend isn’t really going to want help. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to help anyway. Don’t get discouraged if they get upset with you. They may even yell at you or tell you to back off. If they do, then back off and move on to the next step.
-Finish it right.
At this point, all that’s left to do is pray. Funny how that works, isn’t it?
-How “helping” can be “hurting.”
Be careful. One of the worst ways to approach this type of situation is to be passive. Being passive can imply that you don’t care or even that you approve of their behavior. To lead someone to believe that you endorse their behavior will give them the impression that there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing. If, later on, you find the courage to tell them you think it’s wrong, they’ll question you for not saying something all that time before. Or, if another Christian confronts them of their sin, they could use you as an excuse, saying something like, “John’s a Christian and we’ve been hanging out for years. He’s never said anything, so it can’t be that bad.”
This passiveness in relationships is popular. People often think just by being around someone you can have influence over them to change their habits. The most common example is “missionary dating,” when someone who is saved dates someone who is unsaved, in hopes of leading them to Christ. Is it ever successful? Rarely. Instead, what often happens is that Christian gets dragged down to join the unsaved partner. Why would it be any different in regular friendships?
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 2 Corinthians 6:14-15
Intro Video
May 27, 2009 Videos, Website Stuff, teens set apart
Hey all!
I don’t like to do several video posts in a row, but I have worked really hard on this and our editor is busy so I can’t publish the other articles I have pending. 
Please tell me what you think about this video! I did this one from scratch, except the image background. That I got from Eric Novak.
In a World in Need of Revival
May 18, 2009 Evangelism, Honoring God
Can’t go on the streets without filthy language. Can’t browse the internet without seeing some kind of offensive material. Can’t turn on the TV without a suggestive image coming on the screen. Our world needs to be revived.
Unfortunately, we are becoming like the culture. We are supposed to be an example to the culture, but instead, we are becoming like them. How are we to make a difference on a World scale? I mean, we are just a small percentage of the world. This is a simple question, prayer and evangelism.
While it would seem that this is not enough, it is. God can do miracles through anyone He chooses. This doesn’t mean that we should sit around and wait for Him to do something. We need to act. Now, God might show you that He doesn’t want you doing so, but if you feel that you should do something. Do it.
In a World in Need of Revival |Promo|
May 13, 2009 Honoring God, Hypocrisy, Website Stuff
The other day I was writing an article on why and how the culture needs to be revived. It wasn’t until I finished part one that I realized that, in a small way, I was being hypocritical. There I was, writing on how Christians should not just go to church, when I realized, I had just about shut down Teens Set Apart because I didn’t feel like writing for it. In an effort to not be hypocritical, and in an effort to glorify God, I am re-launching the T.S.A.
Welcome to the real change.
Not the T.S.A.
Not me or the authors
Not the thousands of other Christians out there
But God and only God.
Welcome to the Change.
Tags: apart, change, glorification, hope, Hypocrisy, set, teens
Cussing and What’s Wrong with It
May 7, 2009 Honoring God, Speech
In January of 2009, I went to Washington, D.C. for the March for Life. While visiting places around there and going to a convention, I heard more people cussing then I ever had. Now, I am used to cussing, which is something I’m not totally proud of. I don’t know why people cuss or curse. Quite frankly, what is wrong with it? Well, I want to address this issue because I believe it is something that needs to be addressed very badly.
Being a legalistic Christian myself, when I heard someone cuss a year ago, I immediately condemned them. I would either look down on them, or just respond and try to slam them for doing so. As of recently, I have realized that not only am I not helping the situation when I do that, but I usually make it worse.
Everybody has legalism that shows in different ways. Anybody who says they aren’t legalistic is being legalistic. I think that this shows especially in Christians because we try to hold up the law.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized the cussing, or cursing, is wrong. I figured it was just one of “those words” that my parents didn’t want me to say. Now my eyes have been opened, and I realize that cussing is against the Bible. It doesn’t say “thou shalt not cuss” in the Bible, but it does say something close.
Colossians 3:8 says, “But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”
This verse clearly states that slander and filthy language wrong.
Cursing is almost always used as slander – to slander something or someone. Why do you use these words? Is it to impress your friends? Is it to make your friends feel bad? To bring someone down?
These words are useless. They do not help a situation, nor do they bring peace. Why use cuss words when you can just say something else? They are usually used as adjectives anyways. Cuss words are not just unnecessary, but they are rude. They are against the Bible and most importantly, they offend God.
Josiah Robertson
Modesty and Me
May 7, 2009 Clothes, Girls, Honoring God
Perhaps you’re a lot like me and you’ve heard all of the messages on modesty, read the books, printed out the checklist and can still sometimes find yourself frustrated with the whole thing. When someone says the word “modesty” or the phrase “too tight” you cringe or just roll your eyes and the frustration builds up in your heart. Or maybe you tried the whole “modesty thing” a while ago and at this point you’ve pretty much given up. What’s the point? It’s too much work, too frustrating and not rewarding. Or maybe the whole concept of modesty is new to you. You pretty much wear what you’d like when you like – so long as it’s cute!
I am not coming to you as an expert on modesty. I’m not coming to you as an expert on anything. I can – and usually do- fit into the first two categories of being somewhat “done” with modesty – just let me wear my cute top and don’t make a big deal about it. So while I am not an expert, I am definitely a sinner saved by God’s abundant grace and He has so kindly taught me many things about this issue. This article is simply the things God has showed me and I hope that you find it helpful as you walk out life with your wardrobe.
Okay girls, so we live in a time where pretty much all we hear is fashion, fashion, fashion! We must always look our best – after all, first impressions are lasting! And who knows, Prince Charming might be lurking behind any corner. But my question for you is:
1) Does God care about how you dress?
2) And if so, do you care what He thinks?
So, in effort to answer the first question, let’s go to His Word and see what He says. It is clear that God created women to be beautiful and to make things beautiful. Now, if you’re thinking “but I’m not beautiful – I don’t look like so and so” – stop right there. God did not create us to all look like supermodels. HOWEVER, He did create you in His image. He has numbered the hairs on your head and knows your frame backwards and forwards. What is your definition of beauty? Is it according to God’s standards or the worlds?
Like I was saying, God created us as women to love beauty and with a desire to make the things around us beautiful. That’s how we’re made. So, is it wrong to try and wear clothes that make enhance that beauty? I would suggest that the answer is no. God gives us examples in His word of different women dressing in scarlet (Proverbs 31), undergoing 12 months of beauty treatment (Ester 2:12) and dressing with strings of jewels. (Song of Solomon 1:10). (Wouldn’t you love to afford to wear strings of jewels?!)
He also took the time to write in His holy Word not only about beauty but also about modesty. The Bible is not just filled with random stuff, it’s God’s words to us and they should be so important and precious to us. He commanded that women dress with modesty. “…Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control.” (1 Tim 2:9) So how does this desire to dress attractively fit in with dressing modestly?
I believe it comes down to the heart of the matter. When you picked out your outfit this morning, what was in your heart? Were you seeking to dress attractively to glorify God and serve others or were you trying to get someone’s attention? Were you hoping that someone would notice how cute you looked? A lot of times I can pick out clothes subconsciously without thinking through whether I’m serving people or drawing attention to myself. We must not be subconscious in being faithful. God cares about modesty…it was His idea and it brings glory and honor to Him, therefore I must make it my highest priority and joy to dress modestly for Him.
So that brings us to the question: Do you care about what God says? He clearly has asked us to dress modestly, so do you care what He says?
Unfortunately, there isn’t a list of clothes that God has put on the “modest list” and on the “immodest list”. That would make it so easy! But we wouldn’t have to search our hearts and ask God to place faith-filled convictions that please Him and that are for our good and His glory. And honestly, that list would look different for each person. One shirt that may look perfectly fine and modest on one person might be very immodest for someone else to wear. But do you really believe that God would ask us to do something and not empower us to do it? Modesty might be a battle and you might feel frustrated but my friend, it will be worth it! God rewards faithfulness. As you look to Him for strength and faith to dress modestly, He will empower you to do it and there will be much joy in honoring Him. No good thing does He withhold from those that love him!
The last point I’d like to make is that it’s very easy to become legalistic about modesty. It’s a very external thing. You can go out and buy turtlenecks, layered with sweaters, a floor length skirt and tennis shoes so that no one sees an inch of skin and you can be immodest. Immodesty starts in the heart. Immodesty is pride expressed in the way you dress. It’s exalting yourself instead of God. So you could be “covered” and still be immodest in your heart. It’s easier to just cover up than do the heart work. But the heart work is where there will be lasting fruit and growth and ultimately what pleases the Lord.
The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.
Matthew 23:10-11
One of my favorite things about the Proverbs 31 woman is that “She dresses herself with strength,” and “Strength and dignity are her clothing”. We can often view modesty as no fun – but have you ever thought that modesty shows strength and dignity and humility? It shows strength and confidence in the Lord when we dress modestly because we’re about our Father’s business. It shows a heart that humbly loves the Savior above all else – no matter what she has to lay aside to honor Him. That is real strength…and real beauty.
So I would encourage you not to be legalistic and create a list of things you will not wear. But go through your clothes or when you pick out your outfit in the morning, ask God to search your heart and see if you’re seeking to draw attention to your good looks or His glory.
For you single girls, I want to also make another point. A godly guy – the type of guy you want to marry – will want a girl who dresses attractively, yet modestly. Our goal should be to honor the Lord in the way we dress but we cannot forget to serve the guys in the way we dress. Do you want to be distraction to them or seek to serve them and point them to Christ?
Neither be called instructors, for you have one instructor, the Christ. The greatest among you shall be your servant.
Matthew 23:10-11 (English Standard Version)
I hope these thoughts have served you. If you take anything away from reading this, let it be: “Whatever you do, whether you eat or drink [or get dressed in the morning] or whatever you do – do it for the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)
When this happens, modesty becomes a joy and a delight to please our Heavenly Father rather than a list of do’s and don’ts. Look to Him for grace and strength to do the good work He’s called you to…He is worth it.
Micaela Russell
Tags: Corinthians, Esther, Girls, Honoring God, Matthew, modesty, Timothy
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